Yeah, Baby! Okay, I admit

Yeah, Baby! Okay, I admit my guilty pleasure…We saw Goldmember tonight with our buddy Jeff. I know, I know…Sophomoric, bathroom humor. But Mike Myers makes me howl with mirth. And the cameo appearances of various celebrities in Goldmember were great fun. Mike Myers has little competition for my yuks. Nobody but Eddie Murphy can play so many characters in one movie and get away with it. Well, okay, maybe Dana Carvey can, but I’ve not seen his new movie The Master of Disguise yet. Yet…

I think it would be wonderful to be an actress. I guess I am one already, but I haven’t done any real gigs. I’ve always loved doing immitations and making up accents and characters, though. It’s such a kicker to make people laugh and forget their troubles for a while. I don’t think I’d enjoy the lack of privacy in a Hollywood life, though. No, I know I wouldn’t. Still…Wonder what would have happened if I’d gone out there in the world and tried it…way back when

(Insert harp music here).

I tried out for Grease in High School. I was totally unprepared for the audition (gee, some things never change, huh?) and grabbed an accompaniment tape I had, plus a little play whose title escapes me now, lo these 18 years later. I sang Sandi Patti’s “Because of Who You Are”, realizing as I sang it that it was truthfully beyond my highest range. What a track to choose, huh?!

The bit I read from the play was kind of fun, and quite a departure from that sweet little Sandi Patti tune. Like I said, I don’t remember the play’s title at all – It was just one of the paperbound playbooks the director had ready for those who, like me, were unprepared. All I remember was, the scene involved a very angry, sarcastic woman grabbing her husband’s mail off the table and flipping through it to see who the letters were from. She had a comment about several of the envelopes. I really got into it, and had fun!

The director must have heard an alto voice in my screeching, and she must have thought I had the sarcastic delivery she wanted, because she chose me for the part of Rizzo. Oooh, I could just see how fun it would be playing that hard-nosed, wise-cracking, bubblegum hood!

I chickened out. I mean before the first rehearsal, even.

I don’t know if it was commitment, fear of failure, fear of success….But for whatever reason, I never did it. And I’ll tell you what, it’s going to be one of those deathbed regrets. I’ve always wondered how things might have been different had I followed through and done that. My peers might have seen me for something other than the motorhead partier who was wallowing her way out of that mire and into a decent life. I might have continued on to try other theatrical stufff. I might have….Well, what’s the point in wondering, right?

In college I again tried out for a play, this one being part of Romulus Linney’s “Sand Mountain”. I was offered one of the leads, the part of Mary. Nope, you guessed it. I didn’t go through with it, either. That time I actually had a reason. I was a very gung-ho new believer at the time, seeing things very black and white, and there were some things in the play which offended me as a Christian once I read more of the play. I’d not read it through before auditioning, you see. That was silly of me, but as I recall, it was a last-minute decision to even try out. I remember how terribly I wanted to act in that play, and how excited I was go get the part…And the sick feeling I got in the pit of my stomach as I read the rest of the play and realized I had some serious inner conflicts with its contents. It’s true, even now I would still turn it down — but I wish I’d read the thing through so I wouldn’t have tried out and gotten all excited over being chosen. Ugh.

I did sing in the University Chorus at campus, though, and really enjoyed that. Our director was a super lady who really taught us good methods to bring out the best in our voices. I loved the more complicated works by Bach and Mozart, which made us all mindful to work together and learn good dynamics and blending. During that time, I sang in our church’s worship team and, again, loved that blending of voices. I used to do quite a bit of singing in churches and in some weddings, but it’s been years. To tell the truth, I don’t even want to do church music that much anymore. What I’d love to sing is big band and standards. That’s my real musical love. But I digress…

It’s ironic that I would have such a desire to do something with the characters, dialogues and music in my head, but be so lacking in self-discipline that I don’t want to have to go to rehearsals, isn’t it? I guess if I were pulling in 20-million for a movie, I might be a bit more motivated. I just don’t want any part of the hard knocks it takes to get there. I read and watch biographies….Noooo way, thanks. I guess I’ll just dabble in different things, make my friends laugh, sing a few songs, and remain a frustrated artist.

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