I received this snappy little list of puns and word plays from a friend today:
1. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Circumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
4. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
5. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
6. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
7. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
8. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
9. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
10. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
11. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
12. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
13. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
14. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.