I received this snappy little list of puns and word plays from a friend today:

1. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Circumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

4. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

5. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

6. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

7. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

8. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

9. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

10. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

11. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

12. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

13. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

14. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.