Two dollar bills

USA two dollar billWhat a bust the two dollar bill was. I’ll never understand why the feds printed them in the first place. Did they really think they’d catch on? Way to save us space in the old wallets, there. I received the following in an e-mail today and it made me laugh aloud. I’ve run across people who, like the employees in the below story, have never seen a $2 bill. After reading this, I’ve come to the conclusion that they are worth their weight in gold if you have time on your hands and want a good chuckle.


The $2 Bill. Everyone should start carrying them! I am STILL laughing!! I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation doesn’t know they exist.


On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: “Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go ”

Server: “That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?”

Me: “No, it’s to go.” At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: “Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.” He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: “Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?”

Manager: “No. A what?”

Server: “A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me.”

Manager: “Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.”

Server: “Yeah, thought so.” He comes back to me and says, “We don’t take these. Do you have anything else?”

Me: “Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why?”

Server: “I don’t know.”

Me: “See here where it says legal tender?”

Server: “Yeah.”

Me: “So, why won’t you take it?”

Server: “Well, hang on a sec.” He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to him, “He says I have to take it.”

Manager: “Doesn’t he have anything else?”

Server: “Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change ”

Manager: “I’m not opening the safe with him in here.”

Server: “What should I do?”

Manager: “Tell him to come back later when he has real money.”

Server: “I can’t tell him that! You tell him.”

Manager: “Just tell him.”

Server: “No way! This is weird. I’m going in back.”

The manager approaches me and says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night..

Me: “It’s only seven o’clock! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.”

Manager: “We don’t take those, either.”

Me: “Why not?”

Manager: “I think you know why.”

Me: “No really, tell me why.”

Manager: “Please leave before I call mall security.”

Me: “What on earth for?”

Manager: “Please, sir.”

Me: “Uh, go ahead, call them.”

Manager: “Would you please just leave?”

Me: “No.”

Manager: “Fine — have it your way then.”

Me: “Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?”

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.

Guard: “Yeah, Mike, what’s up?”

Manager (whispering): “This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.”

Guard: “No kidding! What?”

Manager: “Get this .. A two dollar bill.”

Guard (incredulous): ” Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?”

Manager: “I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.

“Guard: “Oh, so the fifty’s fake!”

Manager: “No, the two dollar bill is.”

Guard: “Why would he fake a two dollar bill?”

Manager: “I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?”

Guard: “Yeah.”

Security Guard walks over to me and…… “Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.”

Me: “Uh, no.”

Guard: “Lemme see ’em.”

Me: “Why?”

Guard: “Do you want me to get the cops in here?”

At this point I am ready to say, “Sure, please!” but I want to eat, so I say “I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill.”

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says, “Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?”

Manager: “It’s fake.”

Guard: “It doesn’t look fake to me.”

Manager: “But it’s a two dollar bill.”

Guard: “Yeah?”

Manager: “Well, there’s no such thing, is there?”

The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.

Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.

Just think…those two will be voting soon…………………………

15 thoughts on “Two dollar bills

  1. This is funny and I have no doubt that it really happened to someone. My mom collects two-dollar bills.

  2. Kimberley…Many years ago…in Norfolk, VA…people there were complaining about all the military stuff they had “to put up with”…..The Govt. decided to pay the military in $2.00 bills that month….to show the city how much the military brought to their area in revenue…It worked…every where you looked there were $2.00 bills circulating in the stores. ’nuff said! Jo

  3. I’ve got about 8 or 10 left. My dad used to hang on to them but when he died we took his coin collection in and they were included. The appraiser handed them back to us & told us they were in wonderful shape, looked fresh from the Mint & they were worth 2 buck each 😉 So every once & a while I take them out & hand them to clerks. Those OVER 30 something take them with maybe a “Gee Haven’t seen one of those in a while.” anybody under 25 has been pretty much the same way your story works ……. As far as printing fake ones – IF I were to be so stupid – the easiest to get a way with would be 5s – Who even LOOKS at a five ???? 😉 & it’s just like a one used to be. I used to go to Micky D’s & get change for a one, now I get change from my five – occasionally. ;-( Yes I am too that old 😉

  4. A couple of years ago Bob and I collected $400.00 in two dollar bills and 600.00 in Susan B, Anthony dollar coins. When we went on vacation to Reno we took that as our playing money to the casino’s. **GRIN** The tellers grumbled at us as they took them and one even called his boss to see if he “had to accept them” I converted them all to chips and proceeded to the slot machines where I used 20 dollars before I decided I didn’tg enjoy feeding my money into someone elses piggy bank. We took the chips back to cash them in and got the same teller. He wanted to pay us out in the two dollar bills and Susan B’s but his boss had already sent them to the vault. He told us to come again…but the tone of his voice made it clear he didn’t mean it!

  5. Hah! Brenda, that’s so funny! I read it, laughed, then read it aloud to Howie so he could laugh with me.

    Skip, those new fives look weird to me every time I see them.

  6. Hi, I have one “2 dollar bill” I got it when I was working on student summer job in America I was so suprissed that I ask the menager is it real that You have 2 dollar bill in America :))

  7. you can go to any bank and order the $2 bills and use them in every day purchases don’t fall for any one that tells you that they are worth more then $2 dollars..ex..resellers at flea markets.

  8. I LOVE this! So funny! I collect them and have about 10 or so $2 bills and I am only 22 yrs old, but yea, I remember when I first saw them, i was like “OMG is real?!” It was pretty amazing! XD

  9. this week, my friends and I came to Post Oak Mall near Colage Station, TX to buy phone card. My friend handed the guy the money, and then he took out a 2 dollars bill, asking:”where did you get this?!” We all were upset, thingking that we had got fake bill. This is the first time to be here as Chinese poeple, we never know about this! But the guy said then:”Of course I will accept this! but now there are so few!” My friend was happy to hear this and got it back.

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