While I was chatting with my electronic friend, I asked something about fees. She directed me to the fees page, cleverly circumventing my question. I know, I know, she’s not real. She had the same effect on me as the monotone GPS voice which, though it doesn’t really change inflection, sounds like it does. Turn left. Turn left. Turn left!

In a moment of frustration, I typed, “this is useless”. You see how the conversation went downhill from there.

The conversation quickly went downhill.

My big question is, will PayPal cover my virtual hospital bills for my virtual gunshot wound? That little snip got me right between the eyes! Thank God she’s really tiny. Just sayin’.

The cat lost its tail in an unfortunate weed-whacker event.

Very upset, the woman grabbed the cat and its severed tail and told her neighbor she was taking the cat to Walmart.

Her neighbor said, “Why on earth are you taking the cat to Walmart? You should take him to the vet!”

The lady replied, “Don’t you know Walmart’s the largest retailer in America??”

Maru, the box-obsessed Asian Kitty on YouTube, would concur.

Too small box and Maru:

He takes box love to a whole new level. I just loves me some Maru kitty.

UPDATE: Oh, my gosh. I was just browsing Amazon and found out there is a Maru book coming out in August: I Am Maru. No way…How fun!

Man, I love the Internet.

I'm really not a mourning person, but thanks.

Hate your job? Love to hate your job? Dream of your misspent youth while working? Do you rue the day you were born? You’ll love it here!

I think I’ll go outside and watch the morning doves at my feeder.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, “I love liver and cheese.”

“Oh, how childish,” says the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says, “How well can you do?”

“Ummmm…I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever.

“My, my,” says the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.”

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?”

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in finesse, is a chihuahua. He gives her a smile and a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, “Liver alone. Cheese mine.”

This takeout Bluetooth wireless Keyboard is amend for those who poverty to ingest a fleshly keyboard with their tablets and smartphones, etc. Just invoke on the Bluetooth, unify your figure with “BK-6062?, and move using the keyboard instantly! Whether you are texting, or feeding the web, this keyboard module wage a simpler artefact to do so. This keyboard is fit to ingest for speeches, presentations, meetings, etc. Don’t be detected as obsolete-pick up this keyboard today and move making recreation convenient. Instruction Sheet Included. The keyboard measures approximately: 8.5? x 4.5? x 0.1?. Comes in digit colors: Silver, Hot Pink.

This is great on so many levels. Friends, do you poverty to ingest a fleshly keyboard? I really don’t want to dwell on that concept. It sounds like something Buffalo Bill/Jame Gumb would fashion when he was done making a skin suit.

Whatever you do, don’t be detected as obsolete. It’s the fear of every obsolete person to be detected as such. The solution is to pick up this keyboard today and move making recreation convenient. This Instruction Sheet…Does it just tell you how to use the keyboard, or will it tell us how to avoid being obsolete?

Most importantly, they recognize that the web is not just a solo effort, but a community endeavor; we know we’re all responsibility for feeding the web. Every. Single. Day.

This keyboard is peaceful, too; it wages artefact, not war. And if you tend to get hungry while interfacing with work colleagues, don’t worry…This keyboard is fit to ingest.

I just loved this! It was found at bestcheaptablet.com, for those who want to peruse the original. I’m sure there are other gems there.

And, yes, if I were to try and translate my native English to Chinese, you bet they’d be laughing at me over their morning tea.

Rainn Wilson (a.k.a. the introspective and devious Dwight Schrute) posted this photo on Twitter. It’s the goodbye cake for Steve’s last day.

 

A sad day for NBC's The Office. Farewell, Steve!

Sigh. I wonder what will happen with Michael and Holly. They’re perfect for each other.

They remind Howie and me of our relationship!

When we arrived home this evening, everything seemed to be in its correct place. There were no disemboweled couch cushions or chewed houseslippers. Score! After dinner, I went to the office to do some paperwork.

Not long after this, I heard Howie’s voice. “Hon”, my hubby queried from the other room, “did Stella get into something? Her breath smells minty.”

Minty? I was preoccupied with a project and told him I couldn’t imagine what she could have found.

Twenty minutes later, he walked into the office and deposited this on the desk.

Evidently, Stella prefers C.O. Bigelow's spearmint, just like I do.

Fortunately, there wasn’t much left in the tube. It had been on our bookshelf headboard in the bedroom. The dogs were closed out of the bedroom while we were gone, so she must have sneaked it out of there at some earlier point and stashed it. While we were gone, she got her chance to really enjoy it.

Granted, her breath does smell better than the usual butt breath. However, I was concerned with the ingredients. I learned last year that Xylitol, an ingredient common to just about every sugar-free gum, is highly toxic to dogs. I looked on the tube and saw that saccharin is listed, but not Xylitol. Saccharin is not poisonous, at least not in the amount she received from the leftovers in that tube. Whew!

I’m more concerned about that tube’s petroleum jelly and its possible gastronomic after effects.

She was lurking in the bag of spuds.

She, for it’s obviously a she, sports a potbelly. She even has a belly button (it’s an innie). She’s a potato with a pannus…Or a panniculus, if you’d prefer. She’s ample, delightfully rubenesque. She’s a BBT (Big Beautiful Tater).

But it gets better. While setting up my decidedly low-tech shot, I looked at the back of Miss Tater and saw this…

Yep, same potato, other side!

Not only does she have a tummy, she has a tater tush. She even has a cute little dimple at the top of her crack. You can’t tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor.

I’d love it if readers would share their “produce with personality”. Post links to your own blog entries and photo streams. Rated G or PG *only*.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”

The wife answered, “Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband”.

The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: “Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me”.

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…

…the husband became 92 years old.