My unicorn keeps scooting across the carpet on his butt. Why is he doing this? Does he have worms?

Signed,
Mystified  Maiden

(Answer below.)

unicorn scooting across floor

Dear Mystified,

First of all, congratulations on taming this fine beast. You must be of an exceptionally pure heart. I can understand why you find this behavior distressing. Aside from your concern over his welfare, I know it is expensive having those textiles cleaned.

Rest assured, this is a common problem. Your unicorn has impacted anal glands. Normally, the glands’ magical and glittery secretions are expressed when your unicorn eliminates, or passes rainbows. Sometimes, however, the glitter and rainbow dust become impacted in the star-shaped glands. This irritation drives the behavior you describe; your unicorn is in discomfort and is doing the only thing he knows to do for relief.

If you’d like to bring him by the clinic, I’ll be happy to treat him for you. Or, the next time you take him in to have his horn and hooves buffed and polished, ask the groomer if she can express them for you. In the meantime, I’d suggest you feed him a diet higher in fiber. I’d also suggest cutting back on the amount of lucky charms you let him eat.

Best,
Dr. Doolittle, DVMBM,
Doctor of Veterinary and Mythical Beast Medicine

Ed: I ran across the above illustration online and this backstory popped into my head.

When I saw this site, icaughtsanta.com, I smiled. What a fun, original idea! Best yet, I have a discount code for my readers. But more about this later.

Our girls, despite their being four-footed, got to see Santa. See for yourselves!

Santa was just reaching into his bag of toys when he heard a low growl...

Santa likes his reindeer well enough, but he had to pet the sleeping puppies before heading back up the chimney.

Time’s a wastin’….Head over to icaughtsanta.com, upload your photo, and watch St. Nick appear. I have a coupon code for you, too: SANTA50 will get you half off your order. This is great fun!

While I was chatting with my electronic friend, I asked something about fees. She directed me to the fees page, cleverly circumventing my question. I know, I know, she’s not real. She had the same effect on me as the monotone GPS voice which, though it doesn’t really change inflection, sounds like it does. Turn left. Turn left. Turn left!

In a moment of frustration, I typed, “this is useless”. You see how the conversation went downhill from there.

The conversation quickly went downhill.

My big question is, will PayPal cover my virtual hospital bills for my virtual gunshot wound? That little snip got me right between the eyes! Thank God she’s really tiny. Just sayin’.

Maru, the box-obsessed Asian Kitty on YouTube, would concur.

Too small box and Maru:

He takes box love to a whole new level. I just loves me some Maru kitty.

UPDATE: Oh, my gosh. I was just browsing Amazon and found out there is a Maru book coming out in August: I Am Maru. No way…How fun!

Man, I love the Internet.

I'm really not a mourning person, but thanks.

Hate your job? Love to hate your job? Dream of your misspent youth while working? Do you rue the day you were born? You’ll love it here!

I think I’ll go outside and watch the morning doves at my feeder.

This takeout Bluetooth wireless Keyboard is amend for those who poverty to ingest a fleshly keyboard with their tablets and smartphones, etc. Just invoke on the Bluetooth, unify your figure with “BK-6062?, and move using the keyboard instantly! Whether you are texting, or feeding the web, this keyboard module wage a simpler artefact to do so. This keyboard is fit to ingest for speeches, presentations, meetings, etc. Don’t be detected as obsolete-pick up this keyboard today and move making recreation convenient. Instruction Sheet Included. The keyboard measures approximately: 8.5? x 4.5? x 0.1?. Comes in digit colors: Silver, Hot Pink.

This is great on so many levels. Friends, do you poverty to ingest a fleshly keyboard? I really don’t want to dwell on that concept. It sounds like something Buffalo Bill/Jame Gumb would fashion when he was done making a skin suit.

Whatever you do, don’t be detected as obsolete. It’s the fear of every obsolete person to be detected as such. The solution is to pick up this keyboard today and move making recreation convenient. This Instruction Sheet…Does it just tell you how to use the keyboard, or will it tell us how to avoid being obsolete?

Most importantly, they recognize that the web is not just a solo effort, but a community endeavor; we know we’re all responsibility for feeding the web. Every. Single. Day.

This keyboard is peaceful, too; it wages artefact, not war. And if you tend to get hungry while interfacing with work colleagues, don’t worry…This keyboard is fit to ingest.

I just loved this! It was found at bestcheaptablet.com, for those who want to peruse the original. I’m sure there are other gems there.

And, yes, if I were to try and translate my native English to Chinese, you bet they’d be laughing at me over their morning tea.

BACON.

With a name like Bacon, it has to be good.

How awesome is that? With a name like Bacon, it has to be a nice town. It’s a tiny town on 541, in between Coshocton and Plainfield. It’s a place so small, there’s not even a Wikipedia entry for it.

I must go there.

On another note, I thought it amusing to read this headline on the Newark Advocate’s website this morning: Severe weather training canceled for weather reasons.

Oh, how I love good headlines like that!

That tickled my funnybone and motivated me to search out more videos of dogs jumping or playing on trampolines. These are some of my favorites from my browsing today.

And lest you think only dogs enjoy trampolines, here’s a video of a cat playing on one.

I have to say, though, that cats don’t seem to find them as entertaining as dogs. The preponderance of bouncy critter videos were of dogs. Most of the few cat videos depicted a kitty annoyed by some 2-legger bouncing around while the kitty tried to sun itself. Then there’s the idiots who do mean things to cats on trampolines; I don’t bother commenting on those videos, but I report ‘em for abusive content. But that’s another blog entry for another day!

And it’s not just domestic pets who enjoy playing bouncy. Check out these two wild foxes someone witnessed bounding and pouncing on his trampoline:

By the way, here’s a video showing a fox showing that same high leap and dive behavior, only going into the snow for prey:

My favorite, though, is Chago; this fella has it down to a science I wish the owner of that video allowed his video to be embedded outside of YouTube, but you’ll have to go there to view it.

This summer, we’re going to have to introduce Stella to someone’s trampoline. As much as she enjoys bounding up onto the couch and ricocheting off its back, we think she’d love it.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water..’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days..

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’

Have you seen any good ones yourself? Post them in the comments below!

Coloring book bunny looks just like designer Christopher Lowell

I ran across the bunny picture at a website today and immediately thought of designer Christopher Lowell. What do you think?

I submitted this lookalike at Totally Looks like, part of the awesome I Can Has Cheezburger empire.