I’ll do anything for cookies

After years of being shot down, Donald lowered his sights a little:

 

Low expectations

 

“I’ll do anything for cookies.”

For cookies? Really? Poor guy.

…What would he do for a pie?

I’m not one to call the kettle black, though. I am a fiend when it comes to sweets, especially cookies. They’re little, portable bites of goodness. I made the mistake of baking a roll of Pillsbury’s seasonal peppermint sugar cookies early this week. I used my blackened, well-seasoned baking stone and these rocked. But ya know what? They’re all gone now. Howie doesn’t even like them. He took one bite of one and handed the remainder of the cookie back to me.

Who does that??

I can’t keep stuff like that in the house. If there is healthy stuff available, I’ll eat it. If there are cookies or anything else delectable like them, that’s where I gravitate. Just step away from the sweets, m’am, and no one will get hurt.

The image is an illustration from a 1948 Baby Ruth candy advertisement. Click the image above and you’ll see the whole ad. I found it at plan59.com, which boasts a huge online repository of vintage ads and art, plus offers prints and hi-res image of the same.

By the way, I always assumed the candy bar was named after baseball great, Babe Ruth, but it turns out there’s speculation it was named after others. Baseball wins, though. Snopes has the skinny.


Mansight: Things hiding in plain view

Mansight, hiding in plain sight.

The mister and I have a long-running joke about mansight. It’s a term I coined to describe the phenomenon explaining the inability of most men to see what is right in front of them. You know what I’m talking about, ladies. You ask him to get the cottage cheese out of the fridge, but he insists there is no cottage cheese in there. You look, and the cottage cheese container is performing covert ops, stubbornly hiding in plain sight next to the carton of last night’s take-out leftovers. That’s mansight.

So, I laughed aloud the other night when I ordered Chinese food for delivery from the awesome Billy Lee’s Chop Suey House since Howie was at a meeting. This was the fortune in my cookie: “You find what you’re looking for; just open your eyes!”

I didn’t just laugh when I read that, I roared. It’s not often something so perfect shows up in a fortune cookie. So, I made a little sign, writing “Mansight…” and drawing a heart. I affixed the fortune in the heart’s center and placed the sign on the fridge.

Saturday morning, I asked my beloved if he’d noticed the fridge.

“Yes….”, he said, a little testily. I asked him when he noticed it and he replied, “This morning.”

I put it on the fridge Tuesday night.

That, friends, is mansight.

Happy valentine’s day, Howie – I love you dearly!

Anniversary Fairy

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”

The wife answered, “Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband”.

The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: “Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me”.

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…

…the husband became 92 years old.

Make a noise like a frog!

A six year old went to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.

When they got to the hospital, she ran ahead of her Grandma and burst into her Grandpa’s room…

“Grandpa, Grandpa,” she said excitedly, “As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”

“What?” said her Grandpa.

Michigan J Frog

Make a noise like a FROG!“, she squealed again. “Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disneyland!!”

I’m a poor 1930’s wife

Ruh-roh. Thanks to Elle and Tami, I’ve learned that I am not a very good 1930’s wife! Horrendous test, this!

41

As a 1930s wife, I am
Poor

Take the test!

…But in my defense, I think I’m a pretty darned good 2000’s wife. For one, I am one who reacts with pleasure and delight to marital congress. That alone tips the scale in my favor, I think!

Seeing how my age coincides with my score of 41, perhaps by the time I reach my 60’s and 70’s, I will catch up with Tami and Elle on the wife-ometer. By that time, they’ll be quizzing us on what kind of turn-of-the-21st-century wives and husbands we are.

There’s a version for men, too, so don’t be shy fellas. Both my male and female readers can just head on over and see how you measure up to the unrealistic standards of 1930’s society!