Marauding Squirrel goes to the spa

animated gif of a squirrel receiving a back massage from another squirrel

My friend Lisa in Kentucky has a squirrel that keeps pilfering goodies from the bird feeders at her family’s place. A whole group of friends on Facebook is involved in a running joke about Marauding Squirrel. We may laugh, but I must defend the little guys. Squirrels of all sorts work so hard at what they do, poor things!

They stretch:

And ... stretch Fineshades Park Day Trip 8

They hang:

Stretched Out Drop in and stretch out

They sneak:

Sometimes they’re forced to solve puzzles devised by cruel human beings:

this is my squirrel proof feeder

One of the sacks is living! Squirrel-proof?

It’s exhausting!

Squirrel lounge

Sometimes they just need to relax. Can you blame them?

animated gif of a squirrel receiving a back massage from another squirrel

After a week of looting and pillaging, Marauding Squirrel needed a trip to the spa.

What is it about cats and boxes? Ask Maru.

I know they like cozy spaces. It tickles me to see our cats scuffle snuggle down in their choice of the innumerable boxes in our house. Here is Snoopy enjoying a respite in one of many Amazon boxes:

image

 

Maru, the box-obsessed Asian Kitty on YouTube, would concur.

Too small box and Maru:

He takes box love to a whole new level. I just loves me some Maru kitty.


UPDATE: Oh, my gosh. I was just browsing Amazon and found out there is a Maru book coming out in August: I Am Maru. No way…How fun!

Man, I love the Internet.

Jame Gumb’s fleshly keyboard

Some of the funniest Engrish is that in advertising. I ran across this great bit of ad copy while searching for information about bluetooth keyboards:

This takeout Bluetooth wireless Keyboard is amend for those who poverty to ingest a fleshly keyboard with their tablets and smartphones, etc. Just invoke on the Bluetooth, unify your figure with “BK-6062?, and move using the keyboard instantly! Whether you are texting, or feeding the web, this keyboard module wage a simpler artefact to do so. This keyboard is fit to ingest for speeches, presentations, meetings, etc. Don’t be detected as obsolete-pick up this keyboard today and move making recreation convenient. Instruction Sheet Included. The keyboard measures approximately: 8.5? x 4.5? x 0.1?. Comes in digit colors: Silver, Hot Pink.

This takeout Bluetooth wireless Keyboard is amend for those who poverty to ingest a fleshly keyboard with their tablets and smartphones, etc. Just invoke on the Bluetooth, unify your figure with “BK-6062?, and move using the keyboard instantly! Whether you are texting, or feeding the web, this keyboard module wage a simpler artefact to do so. This keyboard is fit to ingest for speeches, presentations, meetings, etc. Don’t be detected as obsolete-pick up this keyboard today and move making recreation convenient. Instruction Sheet Included. The keyboard measures approximately: 8.5? x 4.5? x 0.1?. Comes in digit colors: Silver, Hot Pink.

This is great on so many levels. Friends, do you poverty to ingest a fleshly keyboard? I really don’t want to dwell on that concept. It sounds like something Buffalo Bill/Jame Gumb would fashion when he was done making a skin suit.

Whatever you do, don’t be detected as obsolete. It’s the fear of every obsolete person to be detected as such. The solution is to pick up this keyboard today and move making recreation convenient. This Instruction Sheet…Does it just tell you how to use the keyboard, or will it tell us how to avoid being obsolete?

Most importantly, they recognize that the web is not just a solo effort, but a community endeavor; we know we’re all responsibility for feeding the web. Every. Single. Day.

This keyboard is peaceful, too; it wages artefact, not war. And if you tend to get hungry while interfacing with work colleagues, don’t worry…This keyboard is fit to ingest.

I just loved this! It was found at bestcheaptablet.com, for those who want to peruse the original. I’m sure there are other gems there.

And, yes, if I were to try and translate my native English to Chinese, you bet they’d be laughing at me over their morning tea.

Inadvertently erotic produce

Yesterday, while putting away a new bag of white potatoes, one caught my eye. I laughed out loud. all by my lonesome near the hanging wire basket in the pantry.

She was lurking in the bag of spuds.

She, for it’s obviously a she, sports a potbelly. She even has a belly button (it’s an innie). She’s a potato with a pannus…Or a panniculus, if you’d prefer. She’s ample, delightfully rubenesque. She’s a BBT (Big Beautiful Tater).

But it gets better. While setting up my decidedly low-tech shot, I looked at the back of Miss Tater and saw this…

Yep, same potato, other side!

Not only does she have a tummy, she has a tater tush. She even has a cute little dimple at the top of her crack. You can’t tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor.

I’d love it if readers would share their “produce with personality”. Post links to your own blog entries and photo streams. Rated G or PG *only*.

Church humor: I typed WHAT?

Whether the result of grammar gone wild or typographical errors, these church bulletin bloopers are sure to live in posterity. As if it wasn’t bad enough to find your mistake in print, now the wonder of the interwebs can disperse your gaff around the world in the blink of an eye!

  • The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
  • The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water..’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
  • Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
  • Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
  • Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  • For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days..
  • A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  • Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
  • The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
  • Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
  • The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  • This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
  • The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.. Please use the back door.
  • The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  • The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’

Have you seen any good ones yourself? Post them in the comments below!

Greasy isn’t getting my cellphone number

My first thought when I saw this sender’s username was, ewwwwww.

Greasy?

And then I thought, even if I wanted a car, I don’t know I’d want this guy to have my cellphone number.

The lesson here? Consider the e-mail address and/or name you associate with it when you want to sell something. It doesn’t matter if it’s a business or just a personal sale — names can be a big turnoff to your audience.

On a funnier note along the same line, let me illustrate this point once more. Our late friend Ed went to school to become a licensed massage therapist. When he switched ISP’s, he wanted to incorporate his new vocation into his new username there. After the fact, friends pointed out to him that his username, edtherapist, also spelled out Ed the Rapist. Poor Ed!

Live and learn!

Dear Freecycle, furnish my whole house

Sometimes the wanteds on Freecycle are amazing. As a friend said, “she thinks Santa is on Freecycle”. Who knows, perhaps the Jolly Old Elf really is. We’re all having to scrimp these days, right? Ooh, maybe Santa’s regifting!

greedcycle01

Alternate version:

Dear Freecycle,

I have overextended myself by buying a house. Therefore, I require everyone to give me lots of stuff to fill its rooms, because I need to have stuff. Lots of it. For free. But I’m particular, especially about coffee tables.

Thanks,
New Homeowner

I’ve coined a hashtag at Twitter: #greedcycle. If you have examples of greedy or funny Freecycle posts, post a screenshot somewhere (blurring identifiable info, please!) and link to it in your tweet. Be sure to use the #greedcycle hashtag.

Let’s see if we can start a trend there.