Poop reconnaissance

I worked out for three and a half hours today, and I feel every minute of it. I feel muscles aching…Muscles I forgot I even had.


Before you get all impressed and exclaim, “gee, that Gardenwife’s really been doing well at the gym!”, I should clarify. See, actually, I worked outside for three and a half hours today.

My first workout of the day was a bit of leaf removal from between the perennials popping up around our patio. I stretched my arms out and grasped dead leaves, pulling them back toward me in great clumps.

Then came the heavier workout, the main event! Today was Spring Poop Reconnaissance, a time set aside for the time-honored tradition of dog owners everywhere. It’s not an international holiday, but it should be. It would celebrate us individuals who procrastinate and neglect to pick up steaming piles of canine scat during the cold and rainy winter months, folks who instead wait until a nice, sunny day in the spring and bravely face a yard full of said piles.

What heralds this spring activity? Preferably, the preceeding couple of days should be free of rain and warm with sunshine. A nice, drying breeze helps, too. Then, let the celebration begin!

Howie had already flown one sorty of the yard, but asked me to take a second look and get anything he missed. I was warmed up and ready, so I donned the extra-thick nitrile glove (they’re not just for chemical application anymore!) on my right hand. The process is simple, but effective: walk until you locate a dog log, bend at the hips to retrieve it, walk back to the poop receptacle, and desposit the turd with its turdmates.

Oh, and every so often, I also gave my thighs and calves a little workout by scooting the aforementioned poop receptacle, a shallow normally tray sold for mixing small batches of cement in, along in front of me with my feet.

I repeated this exercise until I could no longer differentiate between clods of dirt and dried up poo. Howie had evidently gotten to this point, too, because I recovered quite a few stragglers. Still, the dog’s lion’s share was already in the tray.

Now but one question remains: Who gets to clean the tray and the glove? 😛 That, of course, is a whole different workout for another day, another muscle group.

P.S. Howie has the quotable quote for the day. He told a co-worker today, “Even an afternoon spent picking up dog sh*t is better than being at work.”

10 thoughts on “Poop reconnaissance

  1. ya’ll are weird. I just turn a walmart bag inside out and deposit the logs (rotflmbo) in another walmart bag. Then i throw both away. If that fails, my children always find the fresh piles and mash them flat with their feet, wipe them on the ground and holler for me to bring the soap and the hose (i don’t recommend the latter method)

  2. Ha!! It’s meee! I use a big serving spoon and spoon up the poo into a plastic bag and then throw the whole thing away

  3. *Thump*

    That’s me falling on the floor at the realization that AMY actually posted on my blog. OMG! OMG!

    Dana, we do the Wal-Mart bag thing when we’re diligent. But here in Ohio we have this thing called snow (you may remember it from Tennessee, yes?). Thing is, if you don’t grab the logs right away, they tend to get covered with the white crystaline substance. The net effect of poop – snow – poop – snow is what I call poop lasagna. When it all finally melts in spring, it’s quite the mess.

    I should mention that our dogs have their favorite toilet areas, and they are good about heading for them. We try to keep their toilet activity back beyond the sycamore in our yard, so the majority of the yard is a poop-free zone. This winter we slacked and let them out the back door (Emma has a 26′ long Flexi-Leash) and there were poop-free zone violations. None were within our walking route, but they were closer to the house than we normally have.

    So, TMI?

  4. By the way, if it had been me who started the reconnaissance, I would have put a big plastic garbage bag in the receptacle first. Then the “who cleans it” question would not come up, save for the glove.

  5. This really funny! I don’t do mine. My dogs would go to the far pasture in the tall grasses (owns 18 acres of land). They would do their business far away so I don’t have to pick it up! Smart dogs and save my time. LOL.. If it’s near here, I would use shovel and pick it all and dump it out in the pasture.

  6. OMG and I thought I had lost it LOL! Ya’ll are too funny! Yes, I’m still alive & kicking over here. Too much drama, as always. It’s been beautiful here the last two days. Looking forward to preparing for new flowers to be planted. I love Spring! HUGS!

  7. Oh my gosh! I love Howie’s comment! Too funny!

    I went around the front yard the other day picking up Weeping Willow branches that had fallen all winter. Talk about a workout! I’m not used to all of that bending – so I understand exactly where you are coming from!

  8. Oh, to have 18 acres! I’d let most of it stay meadow or woods, but what a great thing. And, oh, to have a dog that would not just run away; our greyhound mix loves to run and it’s hard telling when she’d come back if we let her go, LOL!

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