Crabby the Clown

My good Louisianan friend Lisa wrote this, and I asked her if I could post it in my blog. Fortunately for you, she said YES. Prepare to laugh. A lot.

Crabby the Clown
by justmelisa

Last night Jesse took Sally & I out on a date. Undecided where I wanted to eat, I just let him choose. His first choice was a pizza – all – you – can eat place. As we pulled in the parking lot I was amazed to find how many families were eating out on a big Tuesday night. The place was packed. It then hit me that kids ate for free at that place, so we scratched the mission of eating there. We headed for Lone Star Steakhouse. (YAY, love the bread!)

There were not many folks there, maybe about 5 tables full. The waitress came to our table and welcomed us. She then told us that kids ate for free tonight. We were a bit surprised of that fact because there were no kids. After she took our drink order she told us that they had a clown for the kids on Tuesday nights and he would be at our table shortly.

Oh boy, a clown!

A few minutes later a guy came to our table. No introduction. He walked up to Sally and said “All right, what kind of balloon you want?” He stated this rather matter of fact, no emotion at all. He then proceeded to name the many shapes of balloons at a high rate of speed. Confused, Sally just blurted out the last thing the “clown” named, which was a flower. The “clown” then whipped out a balloon and an odd looking balloon pump (no, he didn’t even blow the balloon up by mouth) 3 pumps and the balloon was full. Tie, tie, tie…he made a flower, all the time looking nervously around the room, never making conversation or eye contact. He handed her the balloon and just walked away, standing about 3 feet from our table with his back to us. Sally was happy to have her flower, Jesse and I just looked at each other, both thinking the same thing. I mentioned how “happy” the clown looked.

The Crabby clown attire: well, it was sort of odd.

There was no funny red nose. A smallish red hat. Two painted circles about the size of a dime on his cheeks.

He had on this old medical scrub jacket with a few spots of paint on it. (Could have been blood stains)

He looked to be about 30 something.

Small name tag that read: Ray.

Larger button on his coat that said “I ACCEPT TIPS” (this one really threw me off)

We (Jesse and I) named the clown “Crabby.”

Since business was slow last night for Crabby the Clown, He lingered around the far left of the restaurant playing video games on his cell phone. He also leaned on the bar….a lot. He was drinking something out of a Styrofoam cup peering at the door, taking an occasional drag off of a cigarette. Perhaps he was waiting for more children to come in, most likely not.

On the way home we chuckled about Crabby the Clown– not realizing that Sally in the back seat was listening to us. From the back seat there was a small frustrated voice …”Momma, I didn’t see any clown, what are ya’ll talking about, where was he?”

Point taken.

I think we just might go back next week to see if Crabby the Clown is having a better night. I wondered if Crabby was scaring off the kids.

Jesse also noted that most 30 something’s can get better jobs mowing yards….

I wondered if Crabby failed med school and was down on his luck.

We didn’t tip Crabby last night. The only tip I could think of was “Buddy, you need clown school…”

Po’ Crabby.


Can’t you just picture this crabby, disgruntled, rumpled man? My friend didn’t contact the management about it because, like she said, she didn’t want to make him “Really Crabby the Clown”.

This entry was posted in Humor.

2 thoughts on “Crabby the Clown

  1. LOL!
    that IS funny!
    i guess if i were a 30 year old clown working a near deserted lone star on a tuesday i might be pretty sad too!

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